The times they are a changing

Have you ever looked back at something you’ve written and either wondered “Who is that person?” or possibly like me “What happened to that person?” I know they say we do change as we grow older, but some things I’ve been looking at are from as little as 5 years ago. Can a person really change that much in such little time, and is it possible to get back to who you once were, or is that the point of growth, there is no going back?

Through the power of ‘Timehop’, a time travelling Apple app that shows you what you posted on facebook on the same date in previous years, I’ve been reading a lot about who I once was, well the last 7 years of who I once was at least. Now whilst i’m glad that a certain part of me has moved on (the part that stayed out partying til 4 in the morning had a couple of hours sleep then went to work, knackered and a little hungover) I do miss certain other things and wonder where they went, or if they’ll ever come back. This part of me is particularly apparent in things I used to write, I was quite articulate and word creative, and as my mother used to say “She never uses just one word where ten will do”

This past me always carried a notebook in her pocket and would frequently scribble down thoughts and ideas even in the middle of work. I even have shoeboxes filled with old notebooks. The current me still does carry a notebook, but mostly for working out what we’ve spent, reminding me to do things I know i’ll forget, or making a note on who’s been toileted (that last ones for work, that’s not a general day to day musing) And the amount of notebooks I’ve used in the last 5 years couldn’t fill a matchbox let alone a shoebox. (ridiculous comparison I know but THIS IS WHAT I MEAN!!)

I don’t know what to call that part of me that’s lost, it’s not my creativity I still have that in abundance, although mostly in physical crafts now.

Is it just a simple case of ‘use it or lose it’? Five years ago I had my dream job at Waterstones, became reaquainted with a very good friend, we started seeing each other and shortly thereafter moved in together and got married. Did I reach the pinnacle of my bliss at that point and just stop trying? To quote the eagles “Did she get tired or did she just get lazy” Did I become the human equivalent of a contented house cat? I no longer hunted for my words, I just lay back and waited for the words to come to me.

Maybe it’s my inspiration that I’ve lost, my muse. Maybe she’s not even lost, maybe even as I write this is she sitting in the back of my mind giggling to herself, thinking ‘just a little longer’ lOST

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: