Eli’s Coming!

Apologies yet again for lacking in updates, I could blame a busy schedule, high demand for my knitting skills, extreme nonchalance, or maybe it’s just that our Tablet is broken so husband has been hogging the laptop.

In all honesty though there hasn’t really been much to report, physically I’m still struggling up that metaphorical hill. I’d like to say that every day gets easier, but some days get easier, and some days I’m exhausted before lunch time and can’t explain why. I hit my 12 week post op mark next Wednesday, so I think perhaps going to the gym again might be the best idea . . . I’m just terrified I’m going to knacker myself out before the day has even started!

Then we move smoothly on to my mental/emotional state which, to be quite frank, is quite a bit worse than my physical state. I’ve recently found myself to be quite prone to tearful outbursts, even a rather unproductive attempt to book a doctors appointment recently left me wailing like a banshee. I’m not even going to attempt to justify it all by delving deep into the psychology of the emotional ramifications of the events of this year. Justify to say that it’s a bit bloody annoying and has led to people around me thinking that there’s more wrong with me than there actually is! Did that make sense? Hmm, how to explain that. Basically, yes I’ve had a hell of a crap year, and yes it all does rather upset me, but I’m dealing with it and moving on in my own little way. Unfortunately when I end up bawling like a two year old each time somebody asks me “Are you OK?” (complete with sympathetic head tilt) it looks like my body is making a liar out of me and nobody believes me when I tell them I’m fine. I’ve never really liked my body anyway, and if it continues with this sort or outrageous behaviour me and it are going to be having severe words!

So yes that’s my life at the moment, busying myself with various knitting projects as I physically and mentally struggle up a metaphor the size of Mount Everest. However, I can feel a change in the wind. I used to watch a TV show which I think was called ‘Sports Night’, and one of the characters in it misunderstood the lyrics of the Three Dog Night song ‘Elis Coming’ he thought it meant that something big was on the horizon and you could feel it in the air. So throughout the episode when something a little dramatic happened you just heard a little of the intro lyrics “Eli’s coming. . . “ well that’s what I feel at the moment, every now and again something in my head whispers the lyrics “Eli’s coming . . “ (that probably makes more sense if you’ve heard the song)

 

I do actually have a lot to look forward to at the moment, whilst we are effectively having to cancel Halloween (my favourite holiday, but unfortunately the endless stream of little kids it cute costumes would just be too much for me) we’re popping down to Wiltshire to see our brand new nephew the week after. We’re being kept updated with a continuous stream of cute pictures at the moment, so really can’t wait to see him. Then we have a trip down to London for some Christmas shopping and to visit the Winter Wonderland in Hyde Park (Christmas wouldn’t be the same without it), there’s also a potential visitation with my Dad and Step-mum in the works, just got to figure out who’s working what and when, and also who’s visiting who. I’m also thinking about selling my crafts, making myself a little business. I really love making all the little things that I do, and if I can earn a little money from it even better! Then of course there’s Christmas and all the potential that a New Year has to bring.

 Eli’s Coming!

It’s all good . . until you stop

I knew there was a reason I didn’t like baths!

Well aside from the fact that I grew up with a granddad who thought that baths were basically “wallowing in your own filth” (beautiful imagery, I know) I’ve always considered them a bit of a waste of time. Well maybe not exactly a waste of time, it’s just whenever my husband suggests having a bath, I instantly think of all the things there are to do around the house, and how if I sit in a bath for half an hour or so I’ll be behind with my workload.

Now I’ve found another reason not to like them.

After a rather tense shopping trip with my darling husband we conceded that maybe we were both quite tired, and so I was essentially ordered to have a bath whilst he put the shopping away and made tea. It shows how tired I really was, as I didn’t argue. My body ached all over and I was basically worn out, so off to the bathroom I went.  No book, no needlepoint,  just me and the bubbles.
It was lovely, for the first fifteen minutes, as I lay there fretting about whether dear husband was putting the shopping away properly, or if he’d put the oven on the right setting. Then as those cares drifted away and my mind started to empty of the trials of the week there was just one thought left . . . my mum, and that’s when I started crying.

You see, when you live your life at 100mph, constantly keeping yourself busy with work, family and home it’s ever so easy to just assume that you’re coping with life and the various stuff it keeps throwing at you, without being phased at all.  It’s when you finally slow down, relax and take stock that you realise you’re not coping at all you’re just avoiding, and in the process becoming a shell of the person your family know and love.

So whilst I may have qualms about going near another bath again, I do however highly recommend just having a good cry every now and again it does wonders for a mental and emotional release, and well worth the few hours of puffy eyes afterwards.

Or if crying is not your thing I’m sure there must be something to be said for Primal Scream Therapy . . . . just warn the neighbours first.